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This is a question that not everyone asks but it does sometime come up. Occasionally, inquiring families perceive themselves to be extremely private. They might feel that they are only considering inviting a doula into their labor and birth for “practical” reasons – the chance of reduced interventions, the chance to have comfort skills demonstrated to birthing woman and support partner, in case family members giving support need a break, and for knowledgeable decision making support. A doula can also provide emotional support and stability to both a labor woman and her team, but not all families feel certain they will want or need constant support.
One of the most common reasons people who are interviewing me for their second birth tell me they did not hire a doula for their first birth is they wanted to be alone together as a family. Birth can be a very bonding time for families. Everyone is leaning towards the experience with hope and joy.
As an experienced doula, I tell all the families that there are times when privacy might be the very best thing to help a labor progress. This is why time alone in a hot shower does wonders for some moms whose labor has slowed down a bit. Entering the cave-like atmosphere of a dark bathroom can feel like the safest thing for some moms as they get ready to push their baby out.
When I am with a laboring woman, there are times she may ask me to leave her some space. This means different things to different people. It may mean she feels most comfortable with me knitting in the corner while she finds her way to the best position to help her with contractions. She may want me just outside the bathroom door should she need me to wipe her face or move from one spot to another. She might even want an hour or so with only her partner and ask that I take a walk or a short break with my cell phone on hand.
Some families surprise themselves when they discover that their privacy circle widens to include their doula. By the time they are in labor, families have met with me two to three times at least. We have often spent several hours laboring at their home before moving to the more public sphere of the hospital. Their need for privacy is being met by the intimacy developed among us as a team devoted to a healthy, progressing labor and a mom who feels supported.
Since my only plan for your birth is to support you, you cannot hurt my feelings by letting me know what your needs are. I will ask just enough clarifying questions so that I know with certainty how to best serve you. Hopefully what this means to most families is that they can both have high quality labor, professional labor support and the just right amount of privacy for their birth. Rest assured that if you need some extra privacy, I will go enjoy a hot cup of tea and hold you in my thoughts until I re-join you with fresh energy and enthusiasm.
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